His eyes cloud with rage and he feels it all at once:
A soul that yearns for love
Yet he locks it away
Lungs that scream for release
But he keeps them silent
Two hands, curled into fists…
And then they open
His eyes are once more clear
And he walks
His steps
His smile
Each breath
Perfectly calm
But this is only the tip of his iceberg
Just the surface of a much deeper sea
Beneath the calm
Under the blue
Is a flaring, raging
Blood red hue
His lungs scream for release
He silences them
A scream to pierce the night
A wordless cry
That chases away sunlight
It builds in his throat yet he swallows it back
Someone might hear
Someone might know
That this young man is anything but calm
He would give anything to let it out
Give it all to empty those vessels
But he does not
His arms tense
He relaxes them
His knuckles turn white though he holds nothing
Nothing save for absolute control
Holding naught in his hands yet he is weighted down
He would give anything to strike
Give it all to ease that invisible burden
But he does not
His legs gain speed
He slows them down
The soles ache to run but he keeps his stride steady
Where would he go?
To whom will his feet take him?
Can they not see it?
He would give anything to sprint
Give it all to feel the hard and rapid slaps of pavement
beneath his sneakers
But he does not indulge
He refuses to be what he struggles to restrain
Maintain control always
Or lose it forever…
And finally be free
His heart pounds against his ribs
He ropes it in
The blood within steams with a desire to love
Love is what got us into this mess
Better to feel nothing at all, right?
Right…?
He would give everything to feel
Give it all to care for someone
But he does not
Not even himself
Looking out for #1 leaves no room for another
His soul burns with rage
He feels it all around…all within
He smells it when he is clean
He sees it when he sleeps
He hears it when all is silent
He knows it when all else is forgotten
And yet to gaze on the peaceful scene of Gregory Harris
White’s stroll one would see only
peace
His eyes are heavy
He keeps them open
The open lids are all that stand between dry warmth
And a soaking wet heat
A cleansing rinse to wash away the scars none can see
This boy’s face is that of Zen serenity
This boy’s body is relaxed and at ease
This boy’s mind churns like the rolling sea
An exoskeleton of perfect peace
An endoskeleton of raging storms
He opens his mouth
He clenches tight fists
His feet slap concrete a little harder
His pulse quickens
His soul flares brightly as if truly enflamed
He closes his eyes
A scream pierces the night
A wordless cry of fury, love, pain, joy, life, and death
A crack of knuckle against wall
Skin breaks and blood seeps
He breaks into a run
A mad dash for nowhere…oblivion
His heart races his feet
Towards a finish line that does not exist
His soul’s blaze quenches
And his body becomes a smoldering coal
Floodgates open behind his eyelids
Tears are rivers of everything he knows but refuses to believe
He drops all at once
His screams are replaced by stillness
His sobs continue quietly
The pain washes over…
And he welcomes it
He is prone and soon the ground is hot
Hot from the fire of his soul scorching the pavement
He stands
He opens his eyes
They are clear and he is once more calm
Gregory Harris White is once more himself
The walk goes on and he soon has returned to the trailer
Time to sleep
So that he may walk again tomorrow
